Educational Survey Reveals Impressive Historical Confusion
A recent educational survey has uncovered what historians are calling “the greatest achievement in not paying attention during class,” revealing that a significant number of students believe Abraham Lincoln was a member of the Avengers. The findings have prompted educators to question everything about modern pedagogy while Marvel executives quietly consider the box office potential of “Captain Lincoln: Civil War 2.”
The confusion apparently stems from students seeing “Captain America: Civil War” and somehow conflating it with the actual Civil War, resulting in the logical conclusion that Abraham Lincoln must have been involved in the superhero team-up. It’s the kind of reasoning that makes sense if you’ve never opened a history book or paid attention to literally anything, which describes an alarming percentage of survey respondents. Lincoln did fight in a civil war, the Avengers fought in a civil war, therefore Lincoln was an Avenger. The logic is airtight if you ignore all facts, context, and basic timeline understanding.
History teachers across the nation responded to the survey results with the quiet despair of people who’ve been explaining the same concepts for years only to discover their students think the 16th President had super soldier serum. “I specifically mentioned Lincoln was assassinated in 1865,” explained one exhausted educator. “The Avengers weren’t created until 1963. These dates are not difficult.” The dates may not be difficult, but apparently listening is.
The survey also revealed other impressive historical misconceptions, including beliefs that George Washington fought in World War II (off by about 150 years), that the moon landing happened before the invention of the telephone (backwards), and that the Founding Fathers used iPhones to write the Constitution (please stop). It’s like someone fed history into a blender with Hollywood movies and random Wikipedia articles, then tested students on the resulting smoothie of confusion.
Educators have proposed various solutions to address this crisis in historical understanding, ranging from “more engaging curricula” to “literally just reading the textbook” to “maybe checking if students are actually conscious during class.” The proposals are thoughtful and well-reasoned and will definitely be ignored in favor of blaming smartphones and social media for destroying attention spans, which is fair but also not the complete picture.
Marvel Studios, always attuned to market opportunities, has reportedly considered creating educational content featuring historically accurate superheroes who teach actual history while fighting villains. “Captain Lincoln: Emancipation Force” could teach kids about the Civil War while punching robot Confederates. It’s education via explosion, which is honestly more engaging than most textbooks.TITLE
SOURCE: Sarah Pappalardo (https://bohiney.com/students-think-abraham-lincoln-was-in-the-avengers/)
